Articles by ChrisH

  1. Google Announces Web-Based Pie and Mash

    Search engine giant Google has achieved another technological feat by unveiling the world’s first online pie and mash shop.

    The announcement is being seen by analysts as another attempt by the software behemoth to cash in on gaps left open by its rivals, including Microsoft and Apple, in the ...

  2. Bruce Springsteen Declared Sharia Compliant

    caption “These are all mine,” says judge

    In a major blow to shirt-wearing rifle patriots across the lower states, hero Bruce Springsteen was declared compatible with the teachings of the Koran by the UK’s foremost Sharia court.

    The Boss was said to be “intrigued” by the fatwa, which will ...

  3. 40-Year-Old Beatles Songs Discovered In The Charts

    Music pundits and the listening public alike were feeling fine today as Apple Corp announced the discovery of hundreds of Beatles songs in the upper reaches of the Top 40. However, experts have expressed doubts as to their authenticity.

    The initial announcement of the discovery was made by James Female ...

  4. Ashes Series In Chaos After Mishap

    The Ashes test series between England and Australia was thrown into disarray this afternoon after it was revealed that the urn had been knocked over last night and its contents lost.

    The news was revealed at a joint press conference given today by the English and Australian team captains and ...

  5. Business Chiefs Announce Merger

    Excitement was approaching today when the leaders of two of Britain’s largest companies announced that they were going to meld together.

    David Axe, CEO of Corporate Leisure Impalements, and Bill String, chairman of Liquid-Based Ethanol Endrinkment Solutions Ltd, spoke today at a joint press conference revealing their intentions to ...

  6. Field Geologist Considers Lunch

    Experienced geologist Dr Petro Logical, 46, revealed yesterday to his field colleagues that he was thinking about putting down his hammer and having some lunch.

    Dr Logical, based in Wapping, was in Canada at the time of the incident, investigating speciments of Nectocaris in part of the Burgess Shale Formation ...

  7. McDonalds Sues Man

    McDonalds, the most litigious company in the universe, have sued a Scottish man because his name contains the prefix “Mc”.

    A company spokesman said “He’s gay.”

    WAFTI would like to point out that McDonald’s spokesmen are in no meaningful way homophobic, that McDonald’s is not necessarily the ...

  8. Police Chief Calls For Abolition Of The Moon

    The Metropolitan Police today called for the Moon to be removed from existence after numerous working problems were experienced by their forces.

    Coleman Balls, the Deputy Assistant Commissioner, called on theorists to reconsider the position and effectiveness of the Moon, as it was proving a threat to effective policing in ...

  9. Prostitutes More Smarter Than Previously Thought

    A group of some scientists have revealed that prostitutes have a sophisticated grasp of mathematics, including the discovery of concepts hitherto unknown to mainstream research.

    Research carried out by psychoscientists at Brixton University has demonstrated that prostitutes only ever congregate on street corners in prime numbers. Prior to this, it ...

  10. Telescope Discovers Earth-Like “Sauna World”

    An astronomical telesope in the Canary Islands has discovered the first known health spa on an extra-solar planet, it was reported this week.

    The announcement is a shot in the arm for beleagured health chiefs, who have emerged as an unexpected casualty of the recent economic downturn.

    As a result ...

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