Articles by ChrisH

  1. Tory Party’s Nanny In Fraudulent Claims Kerfuffle

    The Conservative Party’s last remaining woman of toil has been forced to defend her conduct after it emerged that she has been accused of financial indiscretions regarding her second home.

    Tiffany Castro, who is employed by all 193 current Tory MPs, is under accusation of gross misconduct by the ...

  2. Virgin Broadband Customer Loads Google

    An ecstatic customer of a well-known internet service provider announced today to a packed press conference that Google had finally loaded.

    The breakthrough, occuring at 01.30 this morning, could herald a new era for consumers, meaning they may soon be able to occasionally access basic websites in the very ...

  3. Ordinary Britons feel ‘swamped’ with anti-immigrants

    Large numbers of regular hard-working ordinary families complain that they feel “swamped” and “overrun” with anti-immigration policy drives, a study by the think-tank has shown.

    The Policy and Legislation Examination Board (PLEB) has revealed in their research that the majority of hard-working, ordinary, hard-working families feel that the Britain’s ...

  4. Local Man Decides Not To “B&Q It”

    A North Stratford man has taken a decisive stand against the age-old home refurbishment edict by deciding not to use B&Q as the supplier for his minor home improvement projects.

    The years-old inane advertising slogan encouraged its listeners to repair to their nearest B&Q store and ‘do it’ with their selection ...

  5. Met Office Announces Upgrade Of The Weather

    The Met Office has today announced a multi-million pound program designed to improve the UK’s weather.

    In what the Met Office has described as a “knee-jerk reaction” to the Arctic weather conditions prevailing across much of middle England throughout January, it has secured government funding to begin a series ...

  6. East London DIY Shop Reported As Difficult To Locate

    The blackened, sooty streets of Shadwell
    Glowed in ochre, dingy dark
    and twisted, inky shades were formed
    with Lucifer’s heretic mark…

    Inert and silent stillness rested,
    Draped across the dampened ground
    And flitting, dancing figures flew
    Above me, all without a sound.

    A distant light came intermittent
    Struggling through ...

  7. Fire Chief Warns Over Miniature Fire Truck Danger

    The head of the fire service in England and Kent has expressed his reservations over the deployment of 4-foot fire engines in the fight against conflagrations.

    Sir Malcolm Burnley told WAFTI that the Labour government’s plans to deploy miniature fire trucks filled with little weak shrunken men to man ...

  8. World’s Youngest Baby Born

    A dilapidated hospital earmarked for destruction was celebrating today after hosting the birth of the world’s youngest ever baby.

    Guy’s Hospital in London was, until today, scheduled to be blown up in the government’s anti-hospital white paper published last week. Standards have been falling consistently over the ...

  9. Punctuation Error Causes Train Derailment

    17 people were injured, some lightly, when a commuter train derailed at Tring this morning, causing widespread delays across the entire rail network and to some shipping lanes.

    London Midland train company couldn’t believe it today when the 06.48 service from Northampton left the rails just north of ...

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