Articles by Ross

  1. Bruce Springsteen Declared Sharia Compliant

    caption “These are all mine,” says judge

    In a major blow to shirt-wearing rifle patriots across the lower states, hero Bruce Springsteen was declared compatible with the teachings of the Koran by the UK’s foremost Sharia court.

    The Boss was said to be “intrigued” by the fatwa, which will ...

  2. Sir Richard Branson unveils Virgin University

    After its worst financial year in over six months, Nottingham Trent could be a target of a takeover bid by Virgin to rescue and rebrand the struggling educational establishment.

    Sir Richard Branson, the volant Chairman of the Virgin Group, says he has “tremendous plans” for the instituion, but isn’t ...

  3. Britain’s worst criminal brought to justice

    Thames Valley Police put yet another feather in its cap after arresting a woman accused of 50 separate crimes shortly after brunch this morning.

    Anne Sheep, from Milton Keynes, was first reported to have been in charge of caring for her child without the appropriate Childcare Licence. Ofsted says looking ...

    UK

    Sun 01 February 2015
    By Ross
  4. New archæological finds dispute existence of Wales

    A lacklustre archæological excavation conducted near the bantam town of Ross-on-Wye, Hertfordshire, by local serfs has unearthed significant evidence to dispute the long-held-until-today claim that Wales exists.

    The discoveries include lost documents indicating a conspiracy orchestrated by the Roman governor of Britain, Publius Ostorius Scapula, in which he attempts to ...

    UK

    Sun 01 February 2015
    By Ross
  5. Minister Criticised for “Bashing Bishop”

    Shock and awe spread throughout the House of Commons yesterday as the Minister for Mammals, David Spert, was heard making derogatory remarks about a senior member of the Church of England.

    The exact wording is yet to be confirmed by HP sources, but the minister’s comments are claimed to ...

  6. Police Constable sectioned in Nottingham

    A member of the Nottingham Constabulary was today admitted to a local psychiatric ward after a series of reports questioning his state of mind.

    It was revealed that Police Constable Frank Bang was confirmed by doctors to be suffering from paranoia and delusional behaviour. Concerns were first raised by senior ...

  7. Things not what they used to be,” says study

    A study recently commissioned by the British Legion has confirmed that several aspects of modern culture such as fashion, values and mainstream music have changed over the last six decades.

    Several claims have been made by aged pressure groups for a number of years, but this is the first time ...

  8. Virgin birth prompts review of abstinence-only programmes

    Judean officials have confirmed reports of a pregnant teenager giving birth today despite new abstinence-only programmes now entering their second year of running.

    Sources close to King Herod informed WAFTI that they received news this morning that a teenager named Mary has in fact successfully given birth in the small ...

  9. Darling Budget Scuppers Plans to Run Cars on Cider

    The rising practice of circumventing UK fuel duty by converting vehicles to run on cider has come under attack from Chancellor Alistair Darling in his final Budget before the election.

    An increase of 10% above inflation has been announced for the duty on ciders this year.

    Over the last 12 ...

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