Business News

  1. Business Chiefs Announce Merger

    Excitement was approaching today when the leaders of two of Britain’s largest companies announced that they were going to meld together.

    David Axe, CEO of Corporate Leisure Impalements, and Bill String, chairman of Liquid-Based Ethanol Endrinkment Solutions Ltd, spoke today at a joint press conference revealing their intentions to ...

  2. Economic Crisis Forces Golf Courses to Reduce Number Of Holes

    Mild reductions of bonuses at large financial companies, caused by stern headlines in the Daily Mail, have curtailed the feel-good fancy free attitudes of bankers everywhere, and it’s the golf courses who are suffering.

    Once, hitting the fairway was enough to avoid the obstacles, but old favourites like the ...

  3. John Lewis Decimates Business Landscape With “2.0” Bombshell

    The John Lewis Partnership today announced plans to revolutionise retail by updating the business model of their 27 department stores across the UK to catch up to the Internet age.

    As of the 31st of August, the stores will distribute their products for free, while advertising will be the sole ...

  4. McDonalds Sues Man

    McDonalds, the most litigious company in the universe, have sued a Scottish man because his name contains the prefix “Mc”.

    A company spokesman said “He’s gay.”

    WAFTI would like to point out that McDonald’s spokesmen are in no meaningful way homophobic, that McDonald’s is not necessarily the ...

  5. Local Man Decides Not To “B&Q It”

    A North Stratford man has taken a decisive stand against the age-old home refurbishment edict by deciding not to use B&Q as the supplier for his minor home improvement projects.

    The years-old inane advertising slogan encouraged its listeners to repair to their nearest B&Q store and ‘do it’ with their selection ...

  6. Serial Killers “Very Sorry” for Mass Murder

    Police recordings released under the Freedom from Information Act 2010 have revealed the surprising accounts of several convicted serial killers apologising for their actions.

    In what some are calling a bold and unexpected move, mass murderers such as Harold Shipman and Peter Sutcliffe can be seen giving their heartfelt apologies ...

  7. Famous Singer Caught Banking in Public Toilets

    The entertainment industry shat itself this morning when reports leaked out that a famous singer had been arrested last night for financial indecency.

    The singer could not be named for aural reasons, but details of the case so far indicate that the celebrity was found by authorities banking in the ...

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