UK News

  1. Britain’s worst criminal brought to justice

    Thames Valley Police put yet another feather in its cap after arresting a woman accused of 50 separate crimes shortly after brunch this morning.

    Anne Sheep, from Milton Keynes, was first reported to have been in charge of caring for her child without the appropriate Childcare Licence. Ofsted says looking ...

    UK

    Sun 01 February 2015
    By Ross
  2. Met Office Announces Upgrade Of The Weather

    The Met Office has today announced a multi-million pound program designed to improve the UK’s weather.

    In what the Met Office has described as a “knee-jerk reaction” to the Arctic weather conditions prevailing across much of middle England throughout January, it has secured government funding to begin a series ...

  3. New archæological finds dispute existence of Wales

    A lacklustre archæological excavation conducted near the bantam town of Ross-on-Wye, Hertfordshire, by local serfs has unearthed significant evidence to dispute the long-held-until-today claim that Wales exists.

    The discoveries include lost documents indicating a conspiracy orchestrated by the Roman governor of Britain, Publius Ostorius Scapula, in which he attempts to ...

    UK

    Sun 01 February 2015
    By Ross
  4. Man arrested for killing his mother in Essex

    An unbalanced man from the village of Tilty, Essex wanted for murdering his own mother in the county last week was picked up by Northumberland authorities today as he was attempting to flee to France.

    Mr. Alan Tiledamage — a Geography teacher at Braintree Upper School — was a primary suspect after ...

    UK

    Mon 07 September 2009
    By Ross
  5. Government looks to glasses ban to curb violence

    Despite protests from those not so keen on the idea, the Government squeezed out an early day movement this morning that looks to ban glasses in pubs by 2011.

    The Home Office insists the idea is “fine” and that they “really know what they’re doing here.”

    Last year in ...

    UK

    Mon 31 August 2009
    By Ross
  6. East London DIY Shop Reported As Difficult To Locate

    The blackened, sooty streets of Shadwell
    Glowed in ochre, dingy dark
    and twisted, inky shades were formed
    with Lucifer’s heretic mark…

    Inert and silent stillness rested,
    Draped across the dampened ground
    And flitting, dancing figures flew
    Above me, all without a sound.

    A distant light came intermittent
    Struggling through ...

  7. OED to remove word “gullible”

    It’s been the time-honoured joke of the schoolyards, workplaces and even safari parks: “gullible is not in the dictionary.” The irony stems from the fact that only the gullible would believe such a claim, but the Oxford English Dictionary team are seeking to bring an end to this long-running ...

  8. Fire Chief Warns Over Miniature Fire Truck Danger

    The head of the fire service in England and Kent has expressed his reservations over the deployment of 4-foot fire engines in the fight against conflagrations.

    Sir Malcolm Burnley told WAFTI that the Labour government’s plans to deploy miniature fire trucks filled with little weak shrunken men to man ...

  9. World’s Youngest Baby Born

    A dilapidated hospital earmarked for destruction was celebrating today after hosting the birth of the world’s youngest ever baby.

    Guy’s Hospital in London was, until today, scheduled to be blown up in the government’s anti-hospital white paper published last week. Standards have been falling consistently over the ...

  10. Punctuation Error Causes Train Derailment

    17 people were injured, some lightly, when a commuter train derailed at Tring this morning, causing widespread delays across the entire rail network and to some shipping lanes.

    London Midland train company couldn’t believe it today when the 06.48 service from Northampton left the rails just north of ...

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