Leading Shampoo Brands now “More Nutritious than Cereal”

Tue 03 February 2015
By Carl

News has emerged this morning that the nutritional content of shampoo is often higher than that of breakfast cereals.

Rising uses of vitamin-rich ingredients such as aubergine in hair cleaning products means taking a shower can now count as one of your five-a-day

Scurvy and Dandruff

Captain Cook was reputed to have used Panone, an early forerunner of the vaunted Pantene range, to prevent his sailors catching scurvy and to keep their flowing locks shiny and free of split ends. His exact recipe is still unknown; however leading shampoo chefs are confident they have, if not an exact replica, something of equivalent benefit to both hair and digestion.

In 1821, George Stephenson, inventor of rockets, created similarly tasty head-soap. He invented a method of growing straight cucumbers, and the experimentation leading up to his eventual success left him with a veritable gourd plethora. He used this excess to create the first anti-dandruff shampoo exclusively for babies.


The Great Everything Shortage of the late 19th century led to a schism in the industry, however.

These days Pantene is very much “pro-vitamin”, in stark contrast to Kellog’s anti-thiamin stance. With the increased use of other minerals such as iron and pyrite as shampoo ingredients Kellog’s are coming under increased pressure to reconsider their long disparaged position.

A spokesperson of the Flouride Advocacy Group was contacted for a statement, however

Kellog’s were unavailable for comment.

Here’s The Nescience Bit

Gerbins also warned people against interchanging the two products however. “We don’t yet understand the long-term effects of cleaning your hair with Crunchy Nut Cornflakes,” he said, “so we strongly advise against trying”.