Latest News

  1. Leading Shampoo Brands now “More Nutritious than Cereal”

    News has emerged this morning that the nutritional content of shampoo is often higher than that of breakfast cereals.

    Rising uses of vitamin-rich ingredients such as aubergine in hair cleaning products means taking a shower can now count as one of your five-a-day

    Scurvy and Dandruff

    Captain Cook was reputed ...

  2. McDonalds Sues Man

    McDonalds, the most litigious company in the universe, have sued a Scottish man because his name contains the prefix “Mc”.

    A company spokesman said “He’s gay.”

    WAFTI would like to point out that McDonald’s spokesmen are in no meaningful way homophobic, that McDonald’s is not necessarily the ...

  3. Police Chief Calls For Abolition Of The Moon

    The Metropolitan Police today called for the Moon to be removed from existence after numerous working problems were experienced by their forces.

    Coleman Balls, the Deputy Assistant Commissioner, called on theorists to reconsider the position and effectiveness of the Moon, as it was proving a threat to effective policing in ...

  4. Prostitutes More Smarter Than Previously Thought

    A group of some scientists have revealed that prostitutes have a sophisticated grasp of mathematics, including the discovery of concepts hitherto unknown to mainstream research.

    Research carried out by psychoscientists at Brixton University has demonstrated that prostitutes only ever congregate on street corners in prime numbers. Prior to this, it ...

  5. Telescope Discovers Earth-Like “Sauna World”

    An astronomical telesope in the Canary Islands has discovered the first known health spa on an extra-solar planet, it was reported this week.

    The announcement is a shot in the arm for beleagured health chiefs, who have emerged as an unexpected casualty of the recent economic downturn.

    As a result ...

  6. Tory Party’s Nanny In Fraudulent Claims Kerfuffle

    The Conservative Party’s last remaining woman of toil has been forced to defend her conduct after it emerged that she has been accused of financial indiscretions regarding her second home.

    Tiffany Castro, who is employed by all 193 current Tory MPs, is under accusation of gross misconduct by the ...

  7. Virgin Broadband Customer Loads Google

    An ecstatic customer of a well-known internet service provider announced today to a packed press conference that Google had finally loaded.

    The breakthrough, occuring at 01.30 this morning, could herald a new era for consumers, meaning they may soon be able to occasionally access basic websites in the very ...

  8. Ordinary Britons feel ‘swamped’ with anti-immigrants

    Large numbers of regular hard-working ordinary families complain that they feel “swamped” and “overrun” with anti-immigration policy drives, a study by the think-tank has shown.

    The Policy and Legislation Examination Board (PLEB) has revealed in their research that the majority of hard-working, ordinary, hard-working families feel that the Britain’s ...

  9. Britain’s worst criminal brought to justice

    Thames Valley Police put yet another feather in its cap after arresting a woman accused of 50 separate crimes shortly after brunch this morning.

    Anne Sheep, from Milton Keynes, was first reported to have been in charge of caring for her child without the appropriate Childcare Licence. Ofsted says looking ...

    UK

    Sun 01 February 2015
    By Ross
  10. Local Man Decides Not To “B&Q It”

    A North Stratford man has taken a decisive stand against the age-old home refurbishment edict by deciding not to use B&Q as the supplier for his minor home improvement projects.

    The years-old inane advertising slogan encouraged its listeners to repair to their nearest B&Q store and ‘do it’ with their selection ...

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