Field Geologist Considers Lunch

Tue 03 February 2015
By ChrisH

Experienced geologist Dr Petro Logical, 46, revealed yesterday to his field colleagues that he was thinking about putting down his hammer and having some lunch.

Dr Logical, based in Wapping, was in Canada at the time of the incident, investigating speciments of Nectocaris in part of the Burgess Shale Formation in British Columbia. At approximately 12.30pm, whilst he was separated from the rest of his party and just concluding a detailed study of a particularly well-preserved fossil of Nectocaris which he had been working on for several days, he shocked colleagues and co-workers by announcing that he was going to down tools and eat some lunch.

The news sent longitudinal shock waves through the field party. ‘In the 27 years that I have known Petro, he has never, to my knowledge, eaten food,’ said a colleague working in the area, ‘before 1pm.’ Others present were similarly amazed. ‘I’ve never heard of anything like this ever happening before,’ said another worker, understood to a be one of Dr Logical’s research students. ‘Some people are saying that he simply finished his morning’s work earlier than usual, and decided to have an early lunch, but I just cannot accept that’

Breakfast at normal time

It is understood that, prior to yesterday’s incident, Dr Logical was a man of regular habit, having got out of bed nearly every day in the last 40 years. The religiousness of his daily life was corroborated by another of his colleagues, Prof Adolf Hitlerino. ‘Right from when I first knew him, Petro was never a man,’ said Prof Hitlerino, ‘to do things spontaneously. We once worked together in Pompeii in 1978, and I can clearly remember that he always ate breakfast just after he got up. He never ate dinner after he had gone to bed, and his showers were always taken before he got to the office. He was just that sort of guy.’

Much of the uproar surrounding the Doctor’s early lunch stems from his reputation as an extremely dedicated worker. ‘He has only two loves: geology and his medical experimentation,’ said a former aquaintance, who is unable to be named to due to a mistake. ‘I can tell you that he spends all of his free time conducting medical tests on his favourite subject, who he married several years ago. If anything, that is his passion, rather than geology. It takes up all his time, bombarding her with gamma rays, spiking her with sticks, dosing her up with experimental drugs. He has no time for relationships; he’s married to his wife.’

Sheer terror

Many of Dr Logical’s friends and colleagues are too terrified to speculate as to what time he will take his lunch break tomorrow. ‘It’s just not something that I feel I can comprehend at this point in time,’ said Prof Hitlerino. ‘The enormity of yesterday’s events haven’t quite sunk in yet. We are all hoping and praying that he won’t bring out his lunchbox and thermos before at least five past one tomorrow. But I’m just not confident. If he eats lunch early again, may God have mercy on us all.’