Things not what they used to be,” says study

Fri 02 January 2015
By Ross

A study recently commissioned by the British Legion has confirmed that several aspects of modern culture such as fashion, values and mainstream music have changed over the last six decades.

Several claims have been made by aged pressure groups for a number of years, but this is the first time a comprehensive paper has been written up with a notable amount of rigour.

Conclusions drawn by the report include indications that young girls wear notably less clothing in public situations as they did pre-1960 — an act frequently deemed unacceptably deplorable by elderly interest organisations.

Other findings included a detailed confirmation that music isn’t the same as that being performed between 1950 and 1959.

They really knew how to sing a proper song back then; music today is just too loud,” concludes the first chapter of the two chapter dossier, which sampled 2,500 music recordings from the last sixty years for a thorough aural examination.

The youth of today don’t know they’re born,” opens the second and final chapter. Later, it reveals, “many years ago, one would be able to acquire goods and services at lower prices.”

Perhaps the most surprising revelation to some was the uncovering of how poor current television programming is compared to how it has been in that past.

Everything these days is all noise, sex and violence,” a concerned Patrice Loganberry, 68, tells WAFTI over tea and biscuits. “I spend 8 hours of each day watching the telly and none of it is worth watching. Except that Bruce Forsyth; he’s lovely.”

A parliamenary response to the report is still pending. James Mandelbrot, the cabinet minister for nostalgia, was no longer available to comment like he used to.